so... what do you want?

I was talking to my friend last night - the best friend and brother anyone could ask for.  And he asked me the same question that he asked me to contemplate a few months ago... What do you want?

During this transition, I have prayed (a lot), "Father, what is Your will for my life?"  Other prayers include, "Where do you want us?", "What should I do?" and "What do you want from me?"  I have a hard time thinking, much less praying, "What do I want?"  It goes against what I have been taught, or at least what seems right to me... But its not about me.
So what if God showed up at my door and asked, "What do you want to do, Tony? What would bring you joy - feed your passion?"
It was interesting that after I had just finished a conversation with Donna about looking for any job, reaching for any thing, I had another conversation, being admonished to not settle for just anything!  To go for the position where I would thrive. To seek "the best" instead of being willing to settle for "the good". I think God is worth it, and I think that He may even want that for me.
Thanks Jim!

another step, another day closer

What do you do when you have no idea what's around the corner?  What do you do when there are more questions than answers?  Simple... Pray!  Pray a lot!

Uncertainty is always very uncomfortable.  The unknown is scary!  I think that's why so many of us are afraid of the dark - or, at least, uneasy.  What am I going to trip over or bump into? Who could be waiting to jump out and scare us (from my days as a younger brother)?  Where is that hole in the floor, the cobweb hanging down or the thing on which I might stub my toe?

But the blackness of the dark doesn't always have to send us running.  Sometimes its the blank palette on which a beautiful picture is painted.  Sometimes its the foil for light's beautiful glow.  One of my favorite photos I've taken was at night.  

I was in Budapest on a mission trip during July of 2010. Our team went out one night exploring. We walked up to Fisherman's Bastion and watched the sunset over the city.  Later, we wound our way down the tight, curving streets of Buda.  We passed through dark alleys and watched cyclists ride by in the dimness of the night. It was a little daunting because, though we knew we were going in the right direction, we had very little idea of where we were.

We finally emerged from the small streets, or "Utcas" to the large boulevard along the Danube river.  The lights of the big city beckoned us from the darkness of the tiny, urban streets. And there it was... The Széchenyi Lánchíd - The Chain Bridge - the first permanent structure between the Buda side and Pest side of the city, glowing in the distance like a little kid's nightlight.

 It was glorious! The light bounced off of the suspension cables like fireworks. The soft glow of the streetlamps shown forth the majestic lions guarding each end of the bridge.  Suddenly, the darkness that had engulfed us, became the backdrop for this beautiful site!

I think that's how life is. We need the darkness to appreciate the light, like we need the rain and storms to appreciate the sun. As we need the hard times to appreciate the times of grace and plenty.  It's the darkness that brings contrast to the beauty of the light. Without it, everything is the same... muted in the white, with no contrast or form... or interest or beauty!

wow!

Last night at the CRASH Christmas Party - Which was also my last CRASH Sunday service - Donna and I received one of the coolest, most thoughtful gifts we've ever gotten. 

It's a quilt made out of all of the t-shirts from the past 5 1/2 years of ministry with the youth of CHPC! I can't imagine the time and effort that went into making this (not to mention the sacrifice of teenager's t-shirts)! It's a beautiful testament to great times and great ministry. 

Thankfully, there was something else in the program to get to, because I about lost it.  I started welling up and could feel my heart pounding as it lodged firmly in my throat. Lots of hugs followed!

When I got home, I just sat at stared at it. I relived each event and times of worship, growth and tons of laughter!  I love my kids... and will miss them dearly.

The bittersweet-ness of the moment...

I will continue to pray for you, CRASH - the same prayer the apostle Paul prayed over the church in Ephesus:

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”

Ephesians 1:16-19a

process vs. answers

After 2 1/2 months of interviewing and phone meetings, I received a two-sentence, generic form letter via email letting me know that our discussion was finished. 

Please Understand...  I don't mind a "no" answer. I was just amazed and disappointed that after 3 interviews and 10 weeks of walking this out together, I was dismissed with two, very impersonal sentences.  
Its disheartening to see churches fall into this impersonal way of doing things. Am I frustrated? Yes. But in the process, not the answer.  

In contrast: Monday, I sent a resume to the Vineyard Church in Grove City, Ohio (that would have been nice and close).  Though I didn't get the job, I was contacted within 2 hours by the senior pastor (not his secretary) letting me know that he is already in the interview process with 6 other candidates. The answer was "no", but the process was personal and caring.  

Bravo to you, Pastor Tom! 

shaken but not stirred..

Today, I embarked on my standard Monday routine: I wake up, have a cup of coffee, check my emails and the great "deals of the day" on various websites.  The second cup of Costa Rican hard bean went down easier than the first.  Next a healthy smoothie of mixed berries, mangoes, peaches, pineapples, and lowfat yogurt.
Then part 2 begins - Check for job updates on various websites, apply for more positions, and pray!  Today, it was 2 jobs and 2 new cover letters.  Out went 2 emails to 2 churches with the same theme... Can I have a job, please?!  It would be a lovely Christmas present!
Its enough to shake my disposition... but I will not be stirred! :-)  I know that God is faithful!

Psalm 36:5-6 (NIV)

“Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,

   your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

   your justice like the great deep.”

what's shakin'...

First - Thank you for your continuing prayers! You are (by far) the greatest friends anyone could ask for. The emails, phone calls and hugs of encouragement are priceless!


Next - Here's where we are now - My end-date of December 31st is quickly approaching.  This step of faith is beginning to become fore and more real to us.  We still believe, with all our hearts, that this is what God is calling us to.  Waves of fear come and go, but the assurance of God's plan is more than enough.  
I have applied to about 7-8 churches (pickin's are a slim right now), and have been turned down by all but 3. At this point a "no" is almost as good as a "yes". At least its an answer. 


The next step - The first part of January will be spent on home repairs and remodeling - Getting our house ready for the market. We will put it on the market as soon as it is ready.  Unfortunately, houses in our neighborhood have been so devalued, that we will be lucky to break even. 
We will also begin paring-down our "stuff". It's amazing how much you accumulate through the years.  Be prepared for a big yard sale!  Our goal is to live very simplistically wherever we end up. It's my desire that Donna will work minimal hours (if at all) and be able to fulfill her dream of working with the homeless or less-fortunate.
Donna has committed to work through the end of tax season with the company she's with.  If I get a job before then, we'll have "dual residences".  


Finally - Continue to pray.  We know that God has the right, exact, wonderful position for us - Wherever that may be. We are willing to move across the country, across the world or across the street. We just want to do what God wants us to do!


Again, Thanks for all of your prayers. We could not do this without you!

Back in the Real World

After a week away in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, I'm back to Cincinnati and back to work.  I'm also back to the job search and The Journey. What a wonderful trip away. Fresh air, mountains and the best friends anyone could ask for, not to mention, my beautiful wife.  What a fantastic week!

I've now received my 4th rejection email (and that's okay - a "no" is still an answer) and I am still waiting to hear back from other churches around the country. This faith-step is becoming more and more real to me with each passing day.  The questions arise... If I dont' get hired soon, how will I provide for my family? Where is God going to take us? What is His almighty plan for our lives and when will He reveal it to us? 

Then I remember Hebrews, Chapter 11 - It starts with "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  This is what the ancients were commended for." (NIV)

It goes on to list the men and women who have "gone before" -  People of faith. People who left everything they had to pursue God's call for their lives.  I pray that I would have half that faith.  

Chapter 12 starts with, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Eyes on the prize, Tony... Eyes on the prize!

This is one of the photos that has been my motivation. Just one step... Just one!

Indiana Jones (though nothing but a fictional character), Has inspired me. As he stood upon the precipice and took his "leap of faith", he did it with (almost) reckless abandon. He believed in what his father told him. He had faith in what he read. He put two and two together and it equaled three! And he took the step! It made no sense, but it was what was needed. 

An old Chinese proverb states, "The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step".  I'm just waiting to get to the ledge.  

"Show me the path, Lord. Take me to the ledge and I will step out!"

questions...

Today, I'm going through the hard drives and back-ups of everything I've done for the past 7-8 years of ministry.  I've copied and pasted and deleted many many files.  As I look through and see what's been accomplished in the past years, I smile. I also well-up as I wonder what's going to happen?  What;s going to happen with my kids? What's going to happen to me?
I started going down the dangerous path of "Why am I doing this?"  It's a legitimate question, but sinful in its lack of faith.  God has an amazing plan for us!  I know it! It's just hard to think about as your looking at old videos and photos of your kids - a lot of them who have already grown up and gone off to college.
Is this pit in my stomach going to heal?  Yes. I believe it is; but only with lots of prayer, hugs and patience.
I love you Jesus!

A tough but unavoidable milestone

Tonight was the last time teaching at CRASH.  It's bitter sweet - Knowing that I'm doing my best to follow God's call to take the step of faith He has called me to while choking back tears as I look into the face of the teens that I have grown to love so much.  

I struggled for hours thinking about what my last teaching would be. Do I teach about God's amazing love? Should I talk about "my story" and how I came to know Jesus?  Too many good topics when you serve such and amazing God!  I moved on to encouraging my kids to "keep their eyes on the prize", and "run the race" - Run hard! Dream big! Focus on the goal! Never look back! 


"²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶ Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. ²⁷ No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."   1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NIV)
I so desire for each of these wonderful teens to grow to be the man or woman of God that He has designed them to be. I want to hear great stories of these guys growing up and changing their worlds; being unashamed of the Gospel; proclaiming it boldly; loving others and seeing them through the eyes of our Heavenly Father!
Father God, be with these teenagers. Protect them and keep them in the shadow of your wings. Bless them to blessings to others. Teach them to see others as you see them, and to love others with Your love. Grow in them hearts that are hungry fro the truth and Spirits that are unquenchable. For Your glory... Amen.

Another step...

Today, I just sent in a 20 question application - 8 pages of "Tony" information.  It took almost 2 days to complete it, but I finished!  Hopefully, that church likes what it sees.

At first it seemed laborious, but I'm glad I did it. It was incredibly introspective.  How often do we take hours-upon-hours to look at ourselves? How often do we question our own beliefs and why we do the things we do?  It was very enlightening.

Show me Your Way, Lord!

It made me realize the accomplishments that God has allowed me to be a part of.  It was encouraging to see that what I do can make a difference... And it's really satisfying too!  

I don't know if this is the church God has for us. We are praying a lot and seeking His face. In the instance, a "no" is almost as good as a "yes".

Walking Out the Transition

So today is another day in the "transition of a lifetime". At least that's how it seems.  It may not be as grand as I am stating, but right now - in the middle of it - it seems huge!

Today was the third interview with a church. The first was a month ago, the second last week. This one was by Skype. That was a little awkward, but what do you do.

I continue to pray as God leads us down this new path. Where will we end up?  Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Kansas City, Houston, San Diego, Budapest, Taiwan, or some city in Africa?  Only God knows right now... And I'm totally cool with that.  I can kick back (spiritually speaking) and allow His amazing Spirit to guide us; Watch as He walks with us during the interviews;  Smile as we see Him move in the "yeses" and the "nos". He is so very good!

Now, I believe I know how Alice must have felt as she was tumbling down that rabbit hole.  Where will it lead?

Who am I?

As I have been interviewing for new ministry positions around the country, I have been asked many questions. One of the hardest is, "Who are you?"
Sometimes its hard to express who you are. I've attempted to do that here. The picture is described as it pertains to "Who I am"

Who I am:

(Upper left to lower right)

·          The mission team to Budapest - Best trip ever.  Makes me cry every time I think about it.

·          Tradition meets gym shoes - It who I am!

·          The tower of St. Margaret’s Church - Stanford le Hope, England. The site of many great mission trips

·          The Sauerkraut Gang - Some of the best friends anyone could ask for.

·          Bacon! - ‘nuff said!

·          Cheese - Proof that we serve a good and benevolent God

·          A close up of me and my best friend, Donna.

·          Guitar - Nothing like worshipping with my guitar

·          Mom - At 82, she’s still more active than most people. She a good friend and my hero!

·          The Mission Never Ends - Our 2009 missions motto, and a great way to view the great commission.

·          I love teaching others. Nothing like a teenager with a power tool!

·          Jim Holland - My best friend, my brother, my accountability partner.

·          1969 GTO Convertible - Midnight blue with a white rag top and interior - My dream car.

·          Confrontation Point 2011 - The deck we built for Miss Tammy and her girls.

·          The grill - I’m a guy. I like fire. I grill!

·          Lauren and Rusty Twigg - My favorite wedding I ever officiated!

·          Our Christmas photo - love my wife and dogs!

·          The Shih Tzu - Reminds me of my first dog, Oscar.

·          Music - It has always been important to me. There is something special about singing and playing.

·          Crossword - I love a good puzzle!

·          Stained Glass - I love art. I love looking at things in new and different ways.

·          1966 Dodge Dart - My first car. I think I’d rather have that, than the GTO dream car.

·          Worship and Sunsets - It’s like saying “Goodnight” to Jesus. I love to worship - If it can be done in nature, all the more better!

·          Donna and snow - I love the joy in her eyes. She takes little for granted and appreciates the little things.

·          Budapest - What a beautiful city!  I love Hungary, Hungarian people & culture, even Hungarian food - Pass the Paprika!

·          Candles and Bible study - There’s something almost holy about reading the Bible by candlelight.

·          Fall Retreat 2011 - My last one. I love my kids!

·          I’ve learned to never take my self too seriously!

·          Westminster Abby - I love the UK and her people

·          Mountains - I love them despite my paralyzing fear of heights.  How can one look at a beautiful mountain range and not believe in God?

·          Archeology - I am an archeology and Egyptology buff.  I like to read about, watch shows about it and talk about it. Take me to the museum… Please!

·         M.C. Escher - Relativity - Up is down, down is up, out is in! So cool.

Getting Started

So... I figured it was time to start a blog.  Not that anyone would be interested in what I do or have to say, but I have caved to the societal pressure!

Here's what's shakin' in our lives right now...

I am currently in the process of finding a new ministry in which to serve.  This is the most difficult time with the most difficult decisions I've ever had. I'm not sure where God is taking us, I just know that we are in His mighty grip!  And that is sufficient and that is awesome! I tell people, "It's the most exciting, terrifying time in our lives!"

As I keep this blog moving over the next days, weeks, months I hope to bring you along on this journey.  I ask that you pray for Donna and me as we continue to seek God's will for our lives.  

"Show us YOUR path, oh Lord, that we may glorify you in all that we do... wherever that may be, wherever You make take us. Our desire is to follow You."  

"If you lead me, Lord, I will follow. Where you lead me, Lord, I will go... I will go"